7.4.11

That kiss you gave me really meant a lot to me (even tho it was just on my hair). I feel so warm and squishy. I don't want you in any way. And you don't want me. I mean, it was just a fleeting non-moment in our lives. But still, you left me feeling loved. It's like, I can still feel you. I feel so loved. It's been forever since I've felt this way. Thank you so much for you kindness.

30.3.11

Put the radio closer to the TV. Let them listen to each other. The metronome keeps time. Open the curtains! Let the sun in. daddy, its dark in here. The orange caveman in the whiteness carries his club of death. I strip for them. Dolls and walls. They all see my nakedness. Scrubs and shorts and boots, they dont really match. Daddy waters the flowers everyday. You open mouth kiss me. It chills me, it makes my bones ache. Did you do something I dont want to remember? I may look like her, but daddy, Im not her. You took everything away from me. My big blue bunny. Where did he go? You said you didnt know. Why do you take things away from me? My mom, my innocence. You even took god away from me. Daddy, didnt you love me? Call me. I will visit you. I love you daddy, I just dont like you. You tear my mind apart with this. be gentle. No, how can I love you. How can I hate you? You no longer exist to me. Pink nosed bunny. What are you painting today daddy? Happy? Hes silly. Paint smurfs for me. Ill put them on my wall. Make them dance. Make me laugh. Make me smile. Make me happy again.

23.3.11

My child Mary. You said you would carry her for me. Then I was told she had died. That you were dead for so long what could I have expected. My heart cant break anymore. You said you named her Mary because I love the virgin so much. As I leave, I can see your ghostly form in my rear view mirror. You stand alone, sad and dead looking out from the woods. Is that really you, or is it she? I miss you. Forever I will mourn the loss of Mary, my child.

21.3.11

210311

Youre sly. I think you drink too much. Love the ladies a little too much. I feel jealous something awful! Yeah, I know you love only me blah blah blah. Atleast you dont smoke. Now about the eating dead animals thing. Im not trying to change you. I love you too much. In fact, I dont want to change anyone. I just want to help save, maybe change the world. Ah yes, its almost the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine). Can I help you? Can I save you? If you trust me enuff, then yes I can. Wanna give me that come hither look? That smile. Chambers? Aliens maybe. He knows everything. All the knowledge of the vast universes, he knows it all. He told me a little of it. Tell you? Nah youre not good enuff. I dont fully trust you. I will tell you everything, if youll kill the squirrels. Deal? Theyre just as bastardly as you are. God! I hate you sometimes! Would you rather look at her? Oh yah such a tiny little whore. Fine. I really dont care. Just sleep with one eye open Im always watching and waiting. I will get you.

2.3.11

020311

I dunno. Im so tired my eyes hurt. I shake on the inside. I fear my room, my bed. The spirits dont want me there. The vortex is too strong right now. I feel sick. I feel faint. I think they are trying to take me over. I cant let them. I keep all the lights on. The music or tv blares loudly. My dog cant live this way he says. For a big dog, he sleeps on the back of the couch. He keeps guard of my soul. Checking the windows for her. It has to be her. Oh my god! She can get in the house now. I swear she was gone! The water empties. I thought it was... I guess I was wrong.

9.1.11

thin and balanced

razor's edge

black, crimson, scarlett

smells of fresh and clean

stinging feeling

pure release

loath now

feel later