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Change about myself?

What would I change about myself?

The conflict with-out and with-in the mood swings from I am all good and everything I do is better than what others can do— g.m.

I am useless, a criminal failure, who admitts super ego, sees it for what it is and only tolerates it. Yes I tolerate a lot of things. Short comings and inforfections in myself as well as others.   I am an old man now who has failed in his dreams.

The wall I have carefully constructed around myself protects me quite effectuablly from others, while, at the same time keeps me isolated and lonely. So when I can find happiness with-in and about myself I tend to with (unintelligible) into fantasy and or sleep where it is safe.

Safe from what?   Failure? the truth? *Glenn M. says, “No you are this, yes you can, it’s my realality, my world that I myself have made, now let me have it! and so on…

Change, what would I like to change?   maybe my view of who and what I am?   But, would I accept that? As truth or just another person’s opinion?

I understand denial is all part of what’s going on.   So?

Right, or Wrong vs. Differant. What’s real and what’s not?   Is only the way we percieve information from Stimuli,   How we recieve information, how we analyze, store and use this information, Disgarding what we don’t need. as in Pick and Choose.

use it to your advantage…learn every (unintelligible)?   For what end? What good is it.?    Is health important. friends, monetary things?    What’s real. Learn the truth and serve God… What would I like to change? Well, constantly analyzing and judging, changing and adjusting, seeing everything as good or bad. Why can’t I just accept things for what they are?   But,... what if I’m wrong? I don’t like to be wrong. That’s why on my wall, “I’m so sorry! Because it seems I’ve been wrong so many times. I lose faith in myself and my abilities, 

Am I real? If so, for what end? What is it I’m supposed to do?

There is no sponsinatiy in my life, everything is planned, not always well planned granted, but planned just the same.   No sponsinaity, no impulse? Every move, action, word planned, making love making and emotions cold and meaning less.   Relationships,? For what end? For what purpose? I don’t understand the value of other people, other than promoting and praise of self. Though I realize I’m NO good. I see and hear flaws in everything I do, making their praise, opinions of fools. Once again, building me up and at the same time, putting me down. They’re fools. I know what’s going on… or I believe I do… and they don’t.

Women and children are separate uses to be considered. But I won’t get into that now. That’s not (unintelligible) and would not benefit Glenn M.

See, I’m in a position where I can set myself up (on others) to justify my beliefs… wheather or not the results are positive or negative, see… just as I thought, I was right all along.   And I have found most people are willing to play right into this… See.. I am smart! 

(I have kept the spelling mistakes.)